1
00:00:02,132 --> 00:00:09,139
♪♪

2
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:10,445
Sam: My name is Sam.

3
00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:11,968
I'm 6 years old.

4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,709
And tonight
I'm supposed to become a man.

5
00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,580
♪♪

6
00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:17,800
I don't think
anyone is in there.

7
00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:19,236
Mom, it's me.
I got her.

8
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,673
Where are you?
And why are you whispering?

9
00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:25,025
Mom, you were
supposed to watch Sam.

10
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,374
Where is she?

11
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,419
She's in Palm Springs
at a silent retreat.

12
00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:30,204
What?!

13
00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,293
No, it was this weekend.

14
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:34,425
Why don't you go
wait in the car, Sammy?

15
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:36,949
I have the e-mails
to prove it.

16
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:40,040
No, I-I can't hear you
when you whisper.

17
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,867
Just forget it.
Forget it.

18
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:43,956
Well,
I guess we can't go now.

19
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,436
No, no, no.

20
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,829
We go every year.

21
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,352
Remember, we promised
if we had a kid,

22
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:50,093
it would never change us,
right?

23
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:52,226
We already gave up
Burning Man, Coachella,

24
00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:54,489
Lollapalooza, cocaine...

25
00:00:54,532 --> 00:00:56,186
[ Muffled ]
I don't think that -- no!

26
00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,536
It's gonna work out fine.
Don't let that sacrifice...

27
00:00:58,580 --> 00:00:59,929
Go on. Mess with me.

28
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:01,104
I'm gonna...

29
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,454
[ Whispering indistinctly ]

30
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:04,934
Pshew. [ Grunts ]

31
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:06,457
It's gonna be fine.
It's a safe area.

32
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,676
Trust me on this.[ Whispering indistinctly ]

33
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,025
Don't let this -- Please?

34
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,722
Really?

35
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:11,854
[ Whispering indistinctly ]

36
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,116
You did that.

37
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,639
♪♪

38
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:17,338
[ Normal voice ]
Hey! Guess what, buddy?

39
00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:19,079
You are gonna go
to the beach with us.

40
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:20,950
I thought I was
supposed to stay with Nana?

41
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:22,734
She was supposed to
teach me bread-making

42
00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:24,345
and then take me
to the --No, this'll be better.

43
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,173
This'll be better than that.
This'll be better than that.

44
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:29,132
Sammy,
what did I tell you

45
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,047
about playing with the dolls,
man?

46
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,831
You're getting too old
for this.

47
00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,572
[ Cellphone rings ]

48
00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:36,139
[ Sighs ]

49
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:37,923
[ Cellphone beeps ]Hello.

50
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,273
Mom: [ Whispering ]
I'm really sorry.

51
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:41,144
I could have sworn
you said next...

52
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:42,145
[ Cellphone beeps ]

53
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,930
♪♪

54
00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:46,715
Bodhi:
Looking good, Jack!

55
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:50,414
♪♪

56
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:54,070
[ Indistinct conversations ]

57
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,724
Please, Vivian,
just listen to me --

58
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:57,378
I'm not dropping the charges,
Nikki.

59
00:01:57,421 --> 00:02:00,076
You stole my credit card.No, I didn't --

60
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,512
Tommy, if she doesn't
back up off me,

61
00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:03,079
I'm gonna be forced
to mace a bitch.

62
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,515
Well, hopefully,
we can resolve this problem

63
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:06,038
without the use of violence
or the "B" word.

64
00:02:06,082 --> 00:02:07,692
Nikki,
please back up off her.

65
00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:13,437
Do you think
you can talk to her on Monday?

66
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,265
You know Beacharoo's
our busiest weekend.

67
00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:17,093
Speaking of which,
do you think your sister

68
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,921
could watch the baby
for an extra couple hours

69
00:02:18,964 --> 00:02:20,314
so you and I
can get our jam on?

70
00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:21,619
I've still got
that half a joint

71
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,099
I found in the parking lot
last year.

72
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,449
I'm facing up to five years
in prison.

73
00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:27,886
I just don't think
I'll be in the mood.

74
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,497
Well, I thought
it might inspire you.

75
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:31,020
One of the guys from Chumbawamba
is gonna be the emcee.

76
00:02:31,063 --> 00:02:32,848
He got knocked down,
and he got up again.

77
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,284
So can you.

78
00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:38,593
Hey, I'm here to
pick up the keys for
Bare Feet Retreat.

79
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,160
Well, I hope you're here
for the music festival.

80
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,335
If not, you picked
the wrong weekend.

81
00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:42,336
It gets a little crazy.

82
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:43,337
Oh, no, we're --

83
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,860
we're here for Beacharoo.

84
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,775
We might, uh, look like
a couple of boring parents,

85
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,342
but she has a tramp stamp
from Coachella,

86
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:49,952
and I got my nipple pierced
at the mall.

87
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,172
Okay, great.
Well, I'll just find the keys.

88
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,390
So, just to let you know,

89
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,826
there's a shuttle
that takes you

90
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,567
from our parking lot
to the festival.

91
00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:58,613
It's driven by a really
nice lady named Betty.

92
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:00,223
But she just got
an awful haircut,

93
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:01,746
so if you pay her
a compliment,

94
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:03,095
I will throw in a free
mini muffin tomorrow

95
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:04,184
at our sunrise brunch.

96
00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:05,446
Scott: Okay.

97
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:08,318
Are we sure
he's old enough for this?

98
00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:09,667
He still sucks his thumb.

99
00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,800
That's exactly why
this is a good idea.

100
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,802
The boy has got to grow up
sometime.

101
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,325
♪♪

102
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:21,070
[ Engine sputtering ]

103
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,028
I think we're gonna have
to do it with the car.

104
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:25,683
Yeah, I thought
maybe this would work,

105
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,424
but it's not enough juice.

106
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:30,035
I better get this thing
back to the church parking lot

107
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,385
before mass gets out.

108
00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:33,256
I need to go to work
for a couple of hours.

109
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,476
Are we still going to go over
to the festival tonight

110
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:36,999
to sell squirts
of hand sanitizer

111
00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:37,956
for a dollar a squirt?

112
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,131
I hope so.

113
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,742
Yeah, if we get there
early enough,

114
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,439
we can set up
by the port-a-potties.

115
00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:44,572
The second those things
run out of toilet paper,

116
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:45,877
it's gonna be
a gold mine.

117
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:47,139
♪♪

118
00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:48,271
I'm just saying

119
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,360
I don't think
he's ready for this.

120
00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:52,449
Moms always think their kids
aren't ready for stuff.

121
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:53,929
My mom didn't think
I was ready for kindergarten,

122
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,539
so I didn't go.

123
00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:57,367
And that's why I still
have trouble naming shapes.

124
00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:59,195
♪♪

125
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,328
Scott: Sam?

126
00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:02,720
Hey, buddy.

127
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:06,550
Hey, tonight is a big night
for you, okay?

128
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:11,642
Tonight you get to stay here
all by yourself!

129
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:13,078
What?

130
00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:14,558
Yeah, you get to stay
by yourself.

131
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,473
Your mother thought about
hiring a babysitter,

132
00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:18,083
but we don't know anyone
at the beach,

133
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,911
and I don't feel comfortable
leaving you with a stranger.

134
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:22,740
So, no babysitter?Nope.

135
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:23,959
No babysitter,

136
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:26,309
because you are not a baby
anymore.

137
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:27,615
What am I gonna do?

138
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,312
How will I know
when to go to bed?

139
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,444
What will I eat?

140
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:32,184
Your mom's
ordering dinner,

141
00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:34,143
and your mom and I

142
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:36,232
are gonna be out
till way past

143
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,495
when the big hand high-fives
the little hand.

144
00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:42,020
So that means you get to make
your own bedtime.

145
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,806
Wait, why can't I go to
the music thing with you?

146
00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:46,155
The music festival?

147
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:47,896
Uh, you're not old enough.

148
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:49,724
But I'm old enough
to stay alone?

149
00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,508
Yeah! We Googled it.

150
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,118
Only three states
have laws

151
00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:54,381
regarding the minimum age

152
00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:55,730
for a child to be left
home alone --

153
00:04:55,773 --> 00:04:57,949
Illinois, Maryland,
and Oregon.

154
00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:00,343
Everywhere else it's up
to the parents' discretion!

155
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,563
♪♪

156
00:05:02,606 --> 00:05:04,260
Hey. Come on.

157
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,088
What did I tell you
about that?

158
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:07,307
Pacifiers are for babies,

159
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:08,786
and that includes
your thumb.

160
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,310
Come on, buddy.

161
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:12,094
Mom and dad don't get
very many chances to have fun.

162
00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:13,443
So don't ruin this
for us.

163
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:19,362
♪♪

164
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,146
He's excited!

165
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,713
♪♪

166
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:24,628
Our cellphone number's on
a piece of paper by the phone,

167
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,064
and the food
should be here soon.

168
00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,414
Daddy's gonna put some money
on the counter.

169
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:29,285
And don't forget
to brush your teeth.

170
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,592
[ Smooches ]Scott: Honey, he'll be fine.
Look at him.

171
00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:33,376
Tonight he's our little boy.

172
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,552
Tomorrow
he'll be our little man.

173
00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:37,032
See you in the morning,
buddy.

174
00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:40,035
♪♪

175
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:47,085
[ Suspenseful music plays ]

176
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,048
[ Doorbell rings ]

177
00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:56,007
♪♪

178
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:57,095
I got to go.

179
00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:58,358
Hello.

180
00:05:58,401 --> 00:05:59,533
Are your parents home?

181
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:01,448
No. It's just me.

182
00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:02,666
Come in.

183
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:10,457
♪♪

184
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,675
No tip?

185
00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:12,894
That's all they left me.

186
00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:16,288
W-Wait, I have some money
in my luggage.

187
00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:18,465
♪♪

188
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:22,338
[ Cellphone vibrating ]

189
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,513
Hello?

190
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,080
Hey,
I got the van started.

191
00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:26,560
Warm up your squirting finger

192
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:28,518
and meet me
at the Beacharoo entrance

193
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,607
on the corner
of Pier Ave and Sullivan.

194
00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:31,956
Got it.

195
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,001
[ Cellphone beeps ]

196
00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:36,265
I got a bunch of money.

197
00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:39,224
My Nana was gonna take me
to the arcade.

198
00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:44,142
Good looking out!

199
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:46,623
♪♪

200
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,016
[ Door closes ]

201
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:52,194
♪♪

202
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:55,980
[ Water running ]

203
00:06:56,024 --> 00:07:01,072
♪♪

204
00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:03,379
Man:
You've found me.

205
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,511
[ Suspenseful music plays
on TV]

206
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:05,773
[ People screaming]

207
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:08,079
-[ Growls]
-Aah! Aah!

208
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,647
[ Suspenseful music plays]

209
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:11,866
[ Gunfire]

210
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:19,351
♪♪

211
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:21,005
[ Ticks ]

212
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:22,833
[ Light clicks ][ Gasps ]

213
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,356
[ Beeps ]

214
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,923
[ Air conditioner humming ]

215
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:28,752
[ Suspenseful music plays ]

216
00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:34,715
♪♪

217
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:40,634
♪♪

218
00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:44,376
[ Indistinct conversations ]

219
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:49,077
I almost wore
those exact PJs.

220
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,905
[ Chuckles ]

221
00:07:57,825 --> 00:08:00,958
[ Keypad clicking ]

222
00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:02,830
[ Phone ringing ]

223
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:04,962
Shyrell: You have reached
the desk of Shyrell Vance.

224
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,921
Push 7 to leave a message.

225
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:09,793
If this is an emergency,
press 8 to reach me on my cell.

226
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:10,751
[ Cellphone beeps ]

227
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,535
[ Phone ringing]

228
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:13,884
You got Shyrell.

229
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,582
Hi, I sent in a sample
to you guys

230
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,105
for a paternity test,

231
00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:18,889
and I need to change the address
that I gave you.

232
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:21,022
You pressed 8
for that?

233
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,502
Sugar,
that's not an emergency.

234
00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:24,286
That's something
that can be handled on Monday,

235
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,418
when I'm not about to watch
"Shark Tank" with my boo.

236
00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:28,769
If your boo
could find the remote.

237
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,945
Okay, no, this is an emergency,
trust me.

238
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,337
If I don't change
the address,

239
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:33,643
the results will get sent
to a woman

240
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,079
who's really pissed at me
right now,

241
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:36,472
and -- and she'd
probably tell my fiancé

242
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,647
and it would ruin
my whole life.

243
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:40,041
She sounds like
a bitch.

244
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:41,346
Who's a bitch?

245
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:42,957
What's your name?

246
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,436
Nikki Gooze.

247
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,134
Oh, my gosh,
thank you so much.

248
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,658
You are seriously
saving m--They sent it already.

249
00:08:48,702 --> 00:08:50,660
What?It got put in the mail
yesterday.

250
00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:52,488
What got put in the mail
yesterday.

251
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,534
Shit! Can you just tell me
the results, then?

252
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,274
I cannot tell you the results
over the phone.

253
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:57,667
Confidentiality laws.

254
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,103
Okay,
but I won't tell on you,

255
00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:00,496
so who's gonna know
you broke any laws?

256
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,977
Have you ever heard
of the government?

257
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,718
The NSA?
Edward Snowman?

258
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:08,199
Hello, whoever's listening,
I know you're there,

259
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:09,853
and Shyrell Vance
ain't breaking no laws.

260
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,899
[ Sighs ]

261
00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:13,422
Now, if you'll excuse me,

262
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:15,032
I'm gonna go watch rich people
make poor people cry.

263
00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,599
No, no, no![ Phone beeps ]

264
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,777
I will trade you a blow job
for a foot rub.

265
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,344
Deal.

266
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:26,217
But, wait, let me pause it
so Mark Cuban can watch.

267
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:32,267
[ Rock music playing,
indistinct conversations ]

268
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:33,877
I think we might be able
to squeeze

269
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,575
a few more squirts
out of this one.

270
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:43,800
[ Rock music playing
in distance ]

271
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:49,066
♪♪

272
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:54,332
♪♪

273
00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:55,638
Thanks.

274
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,074
Woman: He really thought
you were --

275
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:59,599
-Follow me, man.
-No way, man.

276
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:02,645
[ Rock music plays ]

277
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,168
Got my last squirt,
buddy.

278
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:05,996
We should have brought
more sanitizer.

279
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,955
People are way filthier
than last year.

280
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,829
Don't do it.
Do not call him.

281
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,135
What if he's scared?

282
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:15,876
If he's scared,
he'll call us.

283
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:17,486
If you call him now,
you're just gonna wake him up.

284
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:18,748
It's past 9:00 p.m.

285
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,054
The kid passes out
wherever he is.

286
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:24,754
♪♪

287
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,669
[ Exhales sharply ]That was fun.

288
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,498
Working in large crowds
with sweaty, half-naked people

289
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,761
makes me feel bad
about my life's choices.

290
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,371
I hear you.

291
00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:35,722
Not my favorite weekend
at the beach.

292
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,506
Hey, you want to go
on a road trip?

293
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:40,204
Sure.
How about the mountains?

294
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:42,337
♪♪

295
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:43,817
[ Engine starts ]

296
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:47,037
[ Engine revs ]

297
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:50,650
-Whoo! Yeah!
-[ Howls ]

298
00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:51,651
Scott: Party wolf!

299
00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:02,705
♪♪

300
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,272
Oh, it's back.
It's back.

301
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:04,881
♪♪

302
00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:06,709
Lower.

303
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,015
Higher.

304
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:09,669
Left.

305
00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:11,192
Lefter.

306
00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:13,673
You're chasing it
all around.

307
00:11:13,716 --> 00:11:17,981
♪♪

308
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:19,156
Okay.

309
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,505
All good choices.

310
00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:24,684
Please, will you just
listen to me for...

311
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,381
[ Grumbles ]

312
00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:30,951
[ Up-tempo music plays
over speakers]

313
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:33,562
Jesus!
You're like Lady Pac-Man.

314
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:35,520
I could go away
for five years, Vivian.

315
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:36,870
I won't be able
to read my son a bedtime story

316
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,785
for five years.

317
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,309
Well, at least
you'll have something
to look forward to.

318
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,528
All I have to look forward to
in my shitty life

319
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:45,400
was the arrival
of my new credit card.

320
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:47,054
And you tried to take that
away from me

321
00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:48,490
so you could buy cute shoes
and look all cute

322
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,100
for your cute, little fiancé

323
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:52,755
and make your whole cute,
disgusting life better?

324
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:55,192
Excuse me while I barf
a shit rainbow!

325
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:56,716
[ Exhales sharply ]

326
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:59,675
Look, I wasn't trying
to steal your credit card.

327
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,068
[ Sighs ]
Okay?

328
00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:02,939
[ Sighs ]

329
00:12:02,983 --> 00:12:04,201
[ Groans ]

330
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:05,855
I sent away
for some test results

331
00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:07,509
that I didn't want
Tommy to see,

332
00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:09,293
so I used your address.

333
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:11,078
I wasn't looking
for your mail.

334
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,340
I was looking for mine.

335
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:14,342
What kind of
test results?

336
00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:17,911
DNA.

337
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,957
I'm not sure
he's the baby's father.Oh, shit!

338
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,481
I know, so please, just
don't tell him, okay?
don't tell him.

339
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:25,048
I-I-I-I don't know what I'd do
if the baby's not --

340
00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:27,790
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I'm not gonna say anything.

341
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,618
Really?

342
00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:31,925
Yeah,
I'm all about girl power.

343
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,622
Women's lib, Time's Up,

344
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,842
Pound Me Too --
all that shit.

345
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:37,800
Look, I'll say whatever you want
to the police

346
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:38,801
so you don't go to jail.

347
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:39,802
Oh, my God.

348
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,804
Thank you so much.

349
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,675
Um, and when the DNA test
comes,

350
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:46,417
just call me
and I'll come pick up, okay?Okay.

351
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:48,593
Hey, hey, hey.
Hold on a second.

352
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:50,117
Come on, you can't leave me
hanging like that.

353
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,509
Give me the dirt.

354
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,120
Who else do you think
the father might be?

355
00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:55,383
Oh.
I don't think I should --

356
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:57,559
Tell your new best friend who is
awesome at keeping secrets?

357
00:12:57,602 --> 00:12:59,561
[ Sighs ]

358
00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:00,867
Bodhi.

359
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:04,261
♪♪

360
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,959
You had sex with Bodhi?

361
00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:08,004
[ Sighs ] Yeah, I mean,
it was at a party.

362
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:09,701
There was, like,
lots of drinking.

363
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,225
There was ecstasy
involved.

364
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,444
Uh, did -- did he ever --
did he happen to mention

365
00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:15,185
if you were, like,
his physical type,

366
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,274
or if he was open to, say,
like, I don't know,

367
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:18,841
like, the exact opposite
of you?

368
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:19,929
I don't know.

369
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,235
I actually
don't remember much.

370
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:22,671
Honestly,
I tried to forget about it,

371
00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:24,412
But then I missed my period

372
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,762
and then Tommy walked in on me
taking a pregnancy test.

373
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,765
And then he dropped to one knee
and proposed.

374
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,202
And, you know what?
For all I know, it's his, so...

375
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:33,551
Tommy: Nikki!

376
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:34,857
We got
a woman in your section

377
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,076
with, uh, winky emojis
painted on her boobs

378
00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:37,338
asking where
her omelet is.

379
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:38,861
She's pretty sweaty.

380
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:40,471
We should get her in and out
while she's still decent.

381
00:13:40,515 --> 00:13:43,170
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Okay. Um, coming, sweetie!

382
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:47,565
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Thank you so much.

383
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:50,917
Just let me know
when the results come in, okay?

384
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,309
Yeah.

385
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,572
♪♪

386
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:55,835
You bet.

387
00:13:55,878 --> 00:14:00,927
♪♪

388
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:06,106
♪♪

389
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:08,891
You're sure we're going
in the right direction now?Yeah.

390
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,588
Sorry.

391
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:13,461
I thought you knew
how to get to the mountains.Nah.

392
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:15,985
I was just turning every time
I saw a road going uphill.

393
00:14:16,029 --> 00:14:17,334
Kitty cat!

394
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,554
[ Brakes screech ]

395
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,643
♪♪

396
00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:23,297
You're the home-alone kid.

397
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,776
What, from the old movie?

398
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,213
No way.

399
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:27,475
I just saw a picture of that kid
in a magazine.

400
00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:28,563
He's like 80 now.

401
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,043
Not Mackenzie Clemwich.

402
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:32,219
This kid was actually
home alone.

403
00:14:32,262 --> 00:14:33,742
What are you doing
in here?

404
00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,004
I think I fell asleep

405
00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:36,571
when I was trying to get
my action figure.

406
00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,747
My dad must have taken it
with him and dropped it.

407
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,096
That's mine, buddy.

408
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,881
Look, his foot's
all banged up

409
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,056
from where I have him

410
00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:44,361
kick the shit
out of his arch-enemies.

411
00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:46,407
You play
with action figures?

412
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:47,756
Yeah.

413
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,018
They're cooler
than Hot Wheels

414
00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:50,541
and not as labor-intensive
as Legos.

415
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,152
Eddie: I think we should find
your parents.

416
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,675
Even though
you and I have history

417
00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:55,372
with me delivering you chicken
and such,

418
00:14:55,416 --> 00:14:56,721
if we get pulled over

419
00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:58,593
with a missing child
in the back of our van,

420
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,421
I predict a lot of mayhem,

421
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:01,813
and quite possibly
some tazing

422
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:02,945
before the truth surfaces.

423
00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:11,954
♪♪

424
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:15,088
You're gonna smoke
right now?

425
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,698
It's medicinal.

426
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:18,047
What I thought
was going to be

427
00:15:18,091 --> 00:15:19,614
a tranquil drive
to the mountains

428
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,572
has developed into
an accidental kidnapping.

429
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:27,491
I hope this smoke
isn't getting back there.

430
00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:30,103
You're not suddenly hungry
for no reason, are you?

431
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,234
No.

432
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:35,891
You're a brave little dude
to be out all by yourself.

433
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,980
First time my parents
left me home alone,

434
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,982
I hid under the covers
the whole time.

435
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,114
Really?

436
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,506
Oh, yeah.

437
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:43,638
We had a water heater
in the basement

438
00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:44,987
that sounded like
a ghost.

439
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,597
[ Wailing ]

440
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:48,251
Hey, man!

441
00:15:48,295 --> 00:15:49,557
What did
I tell you about

442
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:50,732
making ghost sounds
when I'm high?

443
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,168
But I like making
ghost sounds,

444
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,778
and you're always high,

445
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:55,606
which leaves me no window
to make ghost sounds.

446
00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:56,868
Ghosts aren't real.

447
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,914
How do you know?

448
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,916
My dad told me.See?

449
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,962
Even the little boy
knows you're crazy.

450
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,702
[ Wailing ]

451
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:05,877
[ Wailing ]

452
00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:07,879
[ Both wailing ]

453
00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:09,185
Okay, Mr. Ghost Expert.

454
00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:11,274
What are your views
on Santa Claus?

455
00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:12,710
He comes down the chimney

456
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:13,973
and leaves you presents
if you're good.

457
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:14,930
That's bullshit.

458
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,018
Hey, man!

459
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:18,368
[ Tires screech ]

460
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:22,329
Can I talk to you outside
for a second?

461
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:23,765
What are you doing?

462
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:25,854
You can't tell a kid
there's no Santa Claus.

463
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,290
Okay, first of all,
I'm high.

464
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:28,988
You have to take that
into account

465
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,119
when judging my behavior.

466
00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:31,294
Fair enough.

467
00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:32,469
And second of all,

468
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,080
you guys were
ganging up on me.

469
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,864
My back
was against the wall.That's true.

470
00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:37,822
We were ganging up on you.
That's my bad.

471
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,173
Let me hit that.

472
00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:45,830
♪♪

473
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,397
[ Holding breath ]
I just want you

474
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,051
to get over
your fear of ghosts

475
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,053
so you don't have to sleep
with the dome light on.

476
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,055
We can't keep jump-starting
the car every morning.

477
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:04,023
♪♪

478
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:06,416
[ Door squeaks ]

479
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:13,858
♪♪

480
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:21,214
♪♪

481
00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:28,656
♪♪

482
00:17:28,699 --> 00:17:31,746
[ Phone keys clicking ]

483
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,835
Bodhi: Kid?

484
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,315
Where are you?

485
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:36,881
Hope he's not doing
something bad

486
00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,535
now that he knows Santa Claus
isn't watching.

487
00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:40,015
If his parents
are religious,

488
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,712
he still has
all the Jesus bullshit

489
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:44,063
to keep him on the straight
and narrow for a while.

490
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:45,847
Wait a second.
There's no Jesus?

491
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,806
At what age
do they tell you that?

492
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:51,418
[ Door squeaks ]

493
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:58,207
♪♪

494
00:17:58,251 --> 00:17:59,469
Sam: My name is Sam.

495
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,123
I'm 6 years old.

496
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:03,125
And tonight
I'm supposed to become a man.

497
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:07,782
♪♪

498
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,436
[ Indistinct conversations ]

499
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:13,222
My dad says being a man
means a lot of things.

500
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,659
You're not supposed
to suck your thumb

501
00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:17,400
or use a pacifier.

502
00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:19,141
That's mine, buddy.

503
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:20,925
You're not supposed to play
with action figures.

504
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,623
And you're not
supposed to be scared.

505
00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,233
[ Wailing ]
Hey, man!

506
00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:25,800
What did I tell you
about making ghost sounds

507
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:27,236
when I'm high?

508
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,412
But grown-ups
do all those things.

509
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,066
So maybe my dad was wrong.

510
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,200
[ Video game sounds playing ]

511
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:37,855
Maybe you can do all that
and still be a man.

512
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,814
Maybe I was already a man.

513
00:18:39,857 --> 00:18:41,120
♪♪

514
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,034
The only thing
I know for sure

515
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:45,167
is I'm never
going to smoke drugs

516
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:46,734
'cause they mess up your brain

517
00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:48,779
and make you think
Santa Claus isn't real.

518
00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:56,961
♪♪

519
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,485
See?

520
00:18:58,528 --> 00:19:00,704
Told you he'd be fine.

521
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,184
[ Sniffs ]

522
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,143
He smells a little like weed,
though.

523
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,145
Probably 'cause we left
the window open.

524
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:07,885
You were right.

525
00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:09,713
I guess it's just
hard for me to accept

526
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:11,193
my little boy
is growing up.

527
00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:13,239
He sure drew
a lot of pictures.

528
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:18,505
Such an active imagination.

529
00:19:18,548 --> 00:19:25,860
♪♪

530
00:19:25,903 --> 00:19:28,732
♪ Early morning,
getting ready for school ♪

531
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:32,214
♪ I was just a baby,
just a teenage fool ♪

532
00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:34,085
♪ Mama, can you help me

533
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:35,609
♪ Shed me some light?

534
00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,132
♪ I'm tired of being lost

535
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,829
♪ Tired of losing the fight

536
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:40,614
♪ She looked me in the eyes

537
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,224
♪ and she buttoned my sweater

538
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,226
♪ Said,
"Just be yourself, honey ♪

539
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:46,185
♪ Only better"

540
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:50,014
♪♪

541
00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:53,453
♪ I bit my lip,
♪ I didn't cry

542
00:19:53,496 --> 00:19:56,673
♪ I walked to class
with my head held high ♪

543
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,285
♪ But, teacher,
my brain's 'bout to bust ♪

544
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:01,243
♪ You gave me an F-plus

545
00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,853
♪♪

546
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:03,985
[ Splatters ]

547
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:05,247
♪ She said, "That's life

548
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,249
♪ If you don't like the letter

549
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,251
♪ Just do your best

550
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:10,470
♪ Only better"

551
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:14,256
♪♪

552
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,605
♪ There's something wrong

553
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,651
♪ Am I broke? Kid, kid, kid?

554
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,261
Where are you?

555
00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:21,263
♪ I've seen these smiles
on all the other folks ♪

556
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,961
♪ Everyone's laughing,
but I don't get the joke ♪

557
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:27,182
♪ I wanna be better

558
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,011
♪ Like fine Italian leather

559
00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:32,492
♪ I wanna be better

560
00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:34,363
♪♪

561
00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:35,756
[ Mouthing ]
Oh, Vivian.

562
00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:37,584
Did you do this...

563
00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:39,368
[ Mouthing ]
Sorry, no.

564
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:41,936
Shit.

565
00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:48,159
♪♪

566
00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:50,336
♪ I wanna be better

567
00:20:50,379 --> 00:20:52,294
[ Cellphone dings ]

568
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:59,170
♪♪